I wish i could claim that everyday i felt like getting out of bed. i wish i could claim that i looked forward to going to sleep each night. of recent sleeping time has become a period of staying up late into the night fretting about this, about that. o boy do i wish i could claim to have it figured out, that i walk on water 24/7, 365... i wish i could say that whenever i think about my future i have 100% faith that everything i desire will come through.
i wish i could say that i lived perfectly grace or no grace. that if you watched me every day that there will be nothing contradictory about what i believe and how i live. but i can't so i won't.
I am not perfect i am far from it, not fit to teach but in need of schooling. it all gets too much and complex and I wish i could just disappear from earth and be with God in heaven and not have to deal with life,mistakes, people etc... and then i feel bad for wanting 'death' in those moments. until today, until today; i came across this verse in the bible:
philpians 1 vs 21-24: paul too wanted out, go read it yourself this aint no blasphemy, paul wanted to live all the chains and struggles and go be with Christ '..for I long to go and be with Christ' Vs 23.
granted some of you out there never get weak, weary, some of you out there have never wanted to just quit and run to heaven... well, good for you guys I sure wish I had a dose of whatever God put inside of you.
somedays i roar like a lion, other days i bury my face in the sand too afraid... longing to go and be with Christ. but his strength is made manifest in my weakness.
and the same holds true for you. its okay to want to run and hide, if it wasn't why would we need a saviour in the first place? why would Christ offer to take our burdens if we never had one in the first place.
'Jesus is the cure for a weary soul'. I am so weary so i go to him, my dear why don't you do the same.
his peace. my love. chichi.
p.s: this is my last post for a while. stay blest. x