Tuesday, 20 May 2008

a year almost in words

As I listen to this gospel track eight; I am so grateful I so would not have made it this far without my God, my Lord my everything… I mean I have learnt so much about him; even though I still act as though I need ‘schooling’ but if he had not chosen to bless me, to love me or show me his compassion…. I won’t be here literally and metaphorically.

I mean when I first got into the UK; I was still miserable, I had left ‘Egypt’ but in Canaan I was depressed; my mind was tormented, I felt so isolated and alone… so out of my depth; there were nights I cried, just like in ‘Henry Carr’ those nights I cried myself to sleep; mehn, God has been with me o! He has seen me at my worst and at my feeble attempt at being my best…. He has seen me whole, broken, torn, ripped, and his love and grace has always loved me into wholeness, into joy…. Into peace.

Academically it has been wonderful, my worst experience though is all the group works I was a part of, because none of them made me better…. None of them gave me room or a chance, I was just a number not a participator; but the writing has been wonderful…. I have written some wonderful pieces , from MARA to Girl like me and others, the writing has been my best experience, though there was a point where I thought I did not have it in me; but God, ND and ‘brown-bear’ were there to help me get it together.
I became an aunt too; I saw the birth of my niece live…. I made a friend; D wonderful girl…. There was Ly but she left and funny I did not get to miss her, because Dee was introduced into my life and it has been fun. I hope next year we are still chummy; she is the type of girl pal I want.I added weight in Nigeria, came here lost some… then picked it up then lost a bit
So far mehn I give God all the glory, honor and adoration; here I am today and I remember where I was yesterday and I just worship him; he has loved me and just been too much. When I had given up on dreaming he sent me to sleep…. Giving me another chance of dreaming. Who is like my God? Who is like my God?
I was not sick one day.
I never went hungry.
I never went without the right clothes for the weather.
I was never alone even when I walked alone.

He has loved me with a love that is beyond my understanding, but my heart understands that in the greatness of his love I am humbled and I know I should be thankful and grateful.

So here is to my God, my creator, my everything: thank you, thank you, and thank you.
It is you and me, me and you in this thing called life.

For all the experiences, good or bad
For all the blessings big and small
For what you have helped me to understand and even for those things you are calling me to trust you for without understanding ‘why’.

I know you are faithful. I know you are faithful and I love you so much. I love you so, so, much.

through with my first year; God has bee too good to me.

his peace. chichi.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Remembering her.

today is the birthday of a dear friend of mine, who died sometime last year.
i had plans today; like light a candle etc... but i did not get on to doing that.

when i heard of her death; i cried my eyes sore, for days she was in my dreams. i really liked her alot; i am not really prone to making friends easily... or even trusting people enough to call them that but she was different.

the girl liked me and i knew it in all the little ways she showed it. she always wanted me looking good, always wanted me 'hooked', always wanted me doing well in school. she was not perfect; but you know how when loved ones die all we remember is how wonderfully fantastic they were!

i know i am not the one who misses her most, but i hope i am not the one who misses her the least.

she passed away so suddenly; like i ... no one saw it coming. she was so young; so full of dreams; she wanted to work in GSK.... possibly marry her boyfried at the time.

we really were as close as we could be. she was a good person, who believed in jesus. and that is why a long time ago i stopped crying over her... because she is truly with our heavenly father.

my prayer this morning as i rembered what today was/would have been : was that we know just how fragile this life is.... it can end like that *snaps finger*... we only pray to fufil our destinies and live out our dreams.... but why do we , or some of us procastinate on those thigs we can get done today on those changes we can begin to make in our lives.

not all of us will be old and grey, and have those moments to sit back and relive yesterday...[though the prayer is we would al make it then]. today counts, this moment, NOW IS IMPORTANT.

the bible says 'make use of every oppurtunity'. in church yesterday the message ws 'Jesus wants us to enjoy our lives.'that is why he came , that is why he died.

so lets live, as cliche as it sounds: lets live as though tomorrow is not a given. because as morbid as it may sound it really is not.

lets give God our best today
lets give loved ones our best today
today is the day to laugh, sing loudly and out of tune in the shower!! [like me]

now is the time to live....
to live a life that is without shame and regret when we come before his throne.

olaitan rest in peace. thank you for your friendship.

his peace. chichi.