a year almost in words

As I listen to this gospel track eight; I am so grateful I so would not have made it this far without my God, my Lord my everything… I mean I have learnt so much about him; even though I still act as though I need ‘schooling’ but if he had not chosen to bless me, to love me or show me his compassion…. I won’t be here literally and metaphorically.

I mean when I first got into the UK; I was still miserable, I had left ‘Egypt’ but in Canaan I was depressed; my mind was tormented, I felt so isolated and alone… so out of my depth; there were nights I cried, just like in ‘Henry Carr’ those nights I cried myself to sleep; mehn, God has been with me o! He has seen me at my worst and at my feeble attempt at being my best…. He has seen me whole, broken, torn, ripped, and his love and grace has always loved me into wholeness, into joy…. Into peace.

Academically it has been wonderful, my worst experience though is all the group works I was a part of, because none of them made me better…. None of them gave me room or a chance, I was just a number not a participator; but the writing has been wonderful…. I have written some wonderful pieces , from MARA to Girl like me and others, the writing has been my best experience, though there was a point where I thought I did not have it in me; but God, ND and ‘brown-bear’ were there to help me get it together.
I became an aunt too; I saw the birth of my niece live…. I made a friend; D wonderful girl…. There was Ly but she left and funny I did not get to miss her, because Dee was introduced into my life and it has been fun. I hope next year we are still chummy; she is the type of girl pal I want.I added weight in Nigeria, came here lost some… then picked it up then lost a bit
So far mehn I give God all the glory, honor and adoration; here I am today and I remember where I was yesterday and I just worship him; he has loved me and just been too much. When I had given up on dreaming he sent me to sleep…. Giving me another chance of dreaming. Who is like my God? Who is like my God?
I was not sick one day.
I never went hungry.
I never went without the right clothes for the weather.
I was never alone even when I walked alone.

He has loved me with a love that is beyond my understanding, but my heart understands that in the greatness of his love I am humbled and I know I should be thankful and grateful.

So here is to my God, my creator, my everything: thank you, thank you, and thank you.
It is you and me, me and you in this thing called life.

For all the experiences, good or bad
For all the blessings big and small
For what you have helped me to understand and even for those things you are calling me to trust you for without understanding ‘why’.

I know you are faithful. I know you are faithful and I love you so much. I love you so, so, much.

through with my first year; God has bee too good to me.

his peace. chichi.

this number is not reachable at the moment please try again later....

have you ever had this happen to you? what a question right? but has this happened to you when you 'mess up' and someone has gotten hurt and you so badly want to reach out and make things better; then Celtel abi MTN... vodafone, Tmobile... whatever tell you ' you can't make things better; not yet... not now.'

yesterday i slipped.... you know how you begin to fall; you are unaware that you are slipping till 'BOOM' your bum hits the ground hard! and slowly the pain comes... slowly the hurting begins, slowly you wonder 'HOW' what did i hit? what did i trip over? wasn't there something i could hold to prevent this fall?

so yes yesterday i fell; not the kind you may think; but the fall of a 'saint'... and i felt so bad; coviction became guilt; guilt became shame... and shame kept me curled up afraid to look up at God and 'come clean'. i mean he is aware of it... and just going to him and admiting it made me feel so ashamed; so worse than ashamed.

but i eventually picked up courage and spoke to him; not boldly... but timidly; not like a son... but as one so undeserving of that status.....

how could i fall like that?

i asked myself over and over as i tried to talk with God....

i felt like he wouldn't WANT to listen to what i had to say.... why should he; he had every reason; every right to BLOCK ME OUT for as long as he choose. it would have hurt but... i would not have complained; i would have waited till he called me.... no matter how long that wait would be.

as i spoke; i KNEW he was listining... he always does listen. HE NEVER BLOCKS US OUT; NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A MESS WE MAKE OF THIGS OF OURSELVES... HE WILL LISTEN, HE WILL FORGIVE, HE WILL REBUKE AND INSTRUCT AND HE WILL LOVE NO MATTER WHAT!!!

and NO; No we should not go on 'sinning' so that grace may abound....; i remembered the song by donnie mclurkin : 'we fall down but we get up.' and i felt the Lord say to me : "we should not just live our lives with the mindset of 'falling' as 'humble' as that may be; but we should live our lives CAREFUL not to fall; looking at the 'ground' we are treding on and taking a step back or FLEEING when it calls for it.

i read the blog of 'disgodkid' his most recent post and i was 'moved' because i saw in his post the God i was reminded about yesterday; a God who like david said 'REMEMBERS we are from dust'.

God has given us his stength in exchange for our weaknessess; he has given us his wisdom in exchange for our foolishness; he has give us his righteousness in exchange for our sin stained garments....

HE LOVES ME!
HE LOVES YOU!

i fell; i will fall, you fell; you will fall BUT GUESS WHAT???

when you call G-O-D; when you want to reach out and 'make things right'.... no CONNECTION wahala would get in the way!!

remember NOTHING can seperate us from his love!!!

i just picked me up! hallelujah.

his grace is suffiecient.

p.s : for the guy who on his blog said in his opinion 'jesus was a failure': I pray for you.... I pray for you.and just so you know that 'failure' has hopes of kicking it with u someday!!!

his peace. chichi.

THE TAKE OVER!!!

1 peter 3:9-: 'don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you.INSTEAD pay them back with A BLESSING. this is what GOD WANTS YOU TO DO , and he will bless you for it.' [NLT version].

how hard is that? don't we just itch to have that infamous 'last word' , isn't the lure to 'hit them BACK where it hurts' the most appealing and tintilating?

somedays ago i heard something someone* said about me.... a relatively close someone; it was nothing 'bad' per say but it hurt me...
i walked into my room* and sat on mybed meditating on what had been said; immediatedly, the devil began to stir up anger within me, the 'how could so-and-so say that' 'what have i done to warrant this' 'it is not soand so 's fault... i blame condtion'.... yes i was getting furious; i knew to fight it but i let such emotons linger on for some seconds; until the above verse came up in my spirit....

'don't repay evil for evil' the holy spirit said to me and spent some time talking to me on this.

then i made up my mind; and i told the devil to carry is negativity outta here; i aint buying into bitterness and anger.... God's love is perfected in me. God wants me to repay 'evil' with 'good' and that is just what i am going to do! best believe satan carried his 'goods' away!!

my dearest the 'TAKE OVER' can/will only happen when you MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!

when i say 'take over' i am refering to God filling you up so much so that you both are intertwined.... he becomes you and you become him!!

vs 15 of the same book and chapter of the bible says this :'... you must worship christ as the Lord of your life.'

you get it?

2cor 5:15 says this : "he {christ} died for everyone so that those who recieve his new life will no longer live to please themselves instead, they will live to please christ, who died and was raised for them."

i have one word for you 'altar'.

that is what your life and mine our; an altar unto God; a LIFE set aside/concencrated to him.

you desire the take over; then MAKE UP YOUR MIND TODAY; decide to live for God's pleasure; to give him the best of your life.... to be AS HE IS.

the 'TAKE OVER' is possible; the 'ultimate disappering act of self' can happen to you; but we have to go a step further from desiring.... we have to MAKE UP OUR MINDS.... TO CHOOSE those things which cause God delight.

i know, i know... it is hard; but like God once told me : 'it may be hard but NOT impossible.'

his peace, my love. chichi.

2007

i know, i know this is 2008 but 2007 is a year for me to remember... it changed my life; my walk with God and gave me new appreciation for my family. now i know how corny and cliche this sounds But i'll go ahead and say it still : "I WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT A FAMILY LIKE MINE." for real o! God has blessed me indeed.

2007 was the year i almost died... yea died; it was terrible o! the enemy really was bent on taking my life... i was in the pits, going through trials and jumping hurdles i had NEVER before expericend. 2007 was tough, tough, tough... i almost died; infact i was ready.

my faith in God died and came back to life and died again.... i struggled to trust him, to love him... infact i was LOST and miserable; battling with negative emotions....

my family kept lifting me up in prayer.... i'd be lost without them.

my sister was my 'sunday-school' teacher; she fed me with the word as best as she could. it often was just both of us at home and i will sit and listen.... i was angry but i was hungry... for hope, for peace for faith for strength....


then it changed... God saved me; delivered me from death.... but my emotions were all jumbled up, you know smiling on the outside dying on the inside.

the devil kept attacking my joy, peace, faith.... nd i kept letting him!!

until december 2007.... i heard a word; i read a word from the bible and my life has been affected ever since.

2kings7:3-4.

NO HAS THE RIGHT TO STEAL MY JOY,PEACE,FAITH....

i realized i HAD to make a CHOICE to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.... the devil is a liar i had WON already!!

and life has been beautiful ever since..... im not the same girl i was in 2007.... God is working in me and on me now; i see the eveidence and feel the change.

im not where i want to be; all my ducks are not yet in a row... but i have faith, and my joy is not based on things but on Jesus my rock, the ancient of days... my lover my friend.

somethigs should never be forgotten; some testimonies sould never be hoarded.... the Devil is a liar; WE who are in Jesus have won!!

his peace.my love. chichi

am an aunt!!halleluyah!!

today,at about 1 am this morning God made me an aunt, my parents firstime grandparents, my brothers uncles, my in-law a father, my sister a mother!!


habakuk 3:16 {NLT}: "......queitly waiting...."

HE IS FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE AND PERFECT HIS WORD AND HIS PROMISE!!

LETS WAIT.... QUIETLY, without fear/trembling, without negative thoughts and words ruling us, without confusion or anxiety.

'quietly waiting' the word i recieved 1st of this month, the word i shall never forget. in jesus name. amen.


his peace. chichi

my 'little' testimony& the message from the spirit

today i had a long train ride into london from manchester; a long and very comfortable ride.
i slept at invervals and read a book 'God's leading Lady'{t.d jakes}.

my ride was so much fun ... i could not remeber the last time i had such peace on the train!!
its not due to anything scaring, its just that getting a seat on the train is often a BIG issue. sometimes it is so full with people other times the seats are reserved and should you make a ''mistake'' to settle into a reserved seat oh! dear that is another issue becos at one stop or the other the owner will come and you'l have to move.... wow! a message is brewing here; i was going to share something else but let me share whot the lord is whispering to me.

there is peace when you are where you are meant to be, when you are doing what you have been called to do; you enjoy your life by accepting where you are and what you have and knowing that even though it looks like close to nothing..... ''çlose to nothing' fed 5000 men, woman and children with 12baskets of leftovers.

just like the train ride if i should sit on a seat reserved for someone else, im going to be so uneasy, constanly wondering ''when will the real owner come?'' ''when will i be caught?'' and all this worrying, kills the 'fun'' i could have on the ride.

when you and i are outside the will of God, living a life that is not ours, we feel that 'tug'no matter how we want to ignore it, its there. we can not enjoy life because we know we are holding on to something we NEED to let go of. it is 'false' comfort, and if we are to enjoy life we need to be redy and willing to let go.

is it better to stand on the train or sit on the ''empty'' reserved seats? if you are okay being moved by force; sure sit on the seat NOT meant for you but i assure you should the real owner come-you my dear are out!!

sometimes God has to ''shake-up'' our lives because when he leaves it up to us we often never go the way he speaks to us or shows us.


in the book of philpians, paul says that God has given us the desire to do his will and the strength to carry out his will...

God wants us to KNOW what he has carved out for us, he wants us to take a sit on the train ride of life and enjoy the ride why? because the reserved seated we are sitting on belongs to us...

my analogies are getting too much so i''l say what it is i have been saying....

today before my train ride into london i asked God to save me a sit... MY sit, i did not want to stand all through and i did not want to settle into a reserved empty seat only to have the original occupant politely or most times rudely inform me ''i am where i am not meant to be''

and God answered; thats how come i had such a peaceful ride, and you know what else? almost everyother seat was vacant NONE was reseved God had given me choices as well!!!

like i did for a place to rest my pampered behind{the sista can crack a joke yea?}... we should also seek him to show us the way that is ours, no more taking risks, no more being everywhere but where we are meant to be or doing everything but what we are meant to do!!


no more uneasiness in our lives, once you and i seek God to show us or speak to us his will, he will and as the case always is... it ''blows'' our minds!{in GOOD way of course}

my little testimony is: God saved me a seat!!
the message from the spirit is: "trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.''



his peace. chichi